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I’m really glad i found a book that’s actually in english for once! Judging from the writing style i assume it was written by a human not too long ago i wonder if they’re still here somewhere... probably not though since it only has two chapters. They’re probably dead :( but i found it in the archive so maybe corium knows or knew this person? I would love to talk to them. The concept of a cycle is very fascinating but also worrying. What exactly DOES happen once the energy runs empty? In that case there couldn’t be anymore humans right? I’m not sure. Also interesting how the author of the book thought it was very important to mention how NOT evil demons are. I assume the book was meant as an Introduction for new undead but i don’t know if it’s a good idea to encourage them to trust demons... well i i mean i guess they didn’t exactly "encourage" them I’m just being silly again. In my opinion you can never be careful enough! Also isn’t it strange how the demon types resemble human blood types? except type 0 is missing... but that probably doesn't mean anything. or does it? haha ^^
I've noticed that all the older buildings here are made out of this strange white stone but none of the newer ones are? It's way more durable and pretty you would think they’d keep using it. Perhaps they don’t know how to create it anymore? where did it come from anyway? Oh man so amny questions... Also no one ever mentions these statues everywhere (well- probably because they’re just used to them ^^') but they're made from the same material and they’re all of the same character. creepy....
I found another book with this symbol on it that looks like an hourglass. but it's also in another language T_T uwahhh! I know it has to be important!
It’s been years since i died and every day i feel as though my mask is harder and harder to remove...and i don’t mean that in an artsy metaphor way- like it’s literally STUCK to my face! I mean i can still take it off but seriously it starts to hurt I’m scared it’ll rip my face of I’m not joking. I guess isaac wasn’t overexaggerating when he said spending time in hell fucks with your physical form and he is way older than me. I actually live here so who knows how much faster it will affect me! Not gonna lie I’m freaking out a bit... I mean everything is fine! It's not like I’m turning into a demon haha! Oh man but isn’t it sort of wrong of me to be scared of the idea of becoming like one of them? Isn’t that like thinking that I’m better? No- I’m just scared because you know... it’s just scary to watch yourself change is all! I would never think I’m better than mari at least. She’s so much stronger than me i truly admire her as a person.
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I never thought that a being that feeds on misery could be so loving. Maybe we were all wrong about them i mean why would a creature purely be bad or aggressive? That doesn’t seem very plausible to me. Wouldn’t it make more sense if they were a personification of any strong emotion? Why would it be only bad ones, perhaps it’s just a misunderstanding and we only thought that because there are so many of the dangerous ones. Seriously i am so glad i met her i wouldn’t know what to do without mari. When i came here i was basically on edge ALL the time but i feel at ease around a demon of all people. It's like it’s only us drifting on a little boat on the wide dark ocean. There are sharks and thunderstorms but the sunset is so beautiful...and i'm not alone. True danger and serenity Maybe that’s a stupid comparison haha but that's just how i feel! How could i be isolated when i have her around. I feel like it was destiny. Man just look at me jeez a few years ago i would've laughed so hard at me now haha.
Looking through the books again and i keep seeing the same symbols and words over and over always in sets of three. But some are switched out every time. It's hard to tell what exactly they say....could have multiple interpretations but from what i gathered it’s something like "the Carnage" "the Plague" (could also mean "the Rot" i'm not sure) "the End" "the Consumption" or "the Hunger" and so on. They seem to alternate but "the End" is always there and it’s always first. Whatever that means. What’s sort of strange is they’re written as if they’re names instead of just random words...like a title or something. Ivf they really are some sort of person or deity i hope i'll never have to meet them... I mean come on down here even someone called bob looks like a nightmare imagine a guy literally called "the carnage" jesus christ.
I try to avoid it but lately i've been thinking about my family again. I wonder how they’re doing... Debbie must be in Highschool by now and who knows if grandma is even still alive. Ugh some fucked up part of me sort of wished they were bad or abusive in some way so i could justify leaving them behind like that but they’re just a normal family! I don’t know why i think like that maybe something is wrong with me. It should bother me way more that i don’t get to see them anymore and that i'm dead and all but somehow i'm glad. I just KNOW this is important and this is where i need to be i guess i really am a lost cause.
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Important question: how to not die of embarrassment when rereading old notes? Asking for friend of course. Oh hell you know what? I don’t even care I don’t care at allll. yup! I will gush about my awesome girlfriend all i want. So if anyone reads this after i died of embarrassment: think what you want about my sappy writing but what matters is that you're probably lonely and girlfriendless ^^heh. (please don’t stop reading because i insulted you i promise i have some smart stuff to say as well X.X)
What the hell was i even talking about...
Recently I was reminiscing a lot about souls and stuff and what on earth I even am at this point. Energy and flesh and existing in different states seem to be of great importance here but I was thinking… isn‘t there something missing? flesh and energy alone hardly makes a being, I think there is a third „ingredient“ lol. Something that makes us sentient, our emotions and memories like a core identity or something that keeps us from being meaningless matter. so sure lets call it „identity“ for my theories sake. Souls or undead are said to be energy with an identity but no flesh, no proper vessel to call home. So what are demons? I think since type A demons used to be humans who sold their energy in a contract and lost their flesh dying what’s left is their pure identity. an emotional state like the little person in our head taken shape. And type Bs are flesh with an identity but no energy since theyre not part of the cycle. Humans have all three: flesh,energy and identity. Makes sense since they’re right in the middle of the heaven and hell realm sandwich haha^^ also they’re pretty much the fuel of everything. Speaking of realms i think they’re also heavily tied into this. They all have different conditions to exist there, purgatory splits all souls from their vessels, there can only be pure energy in heaven and on earth you need to be at least in some way tied to the cycle (I think). But in hell anyone can live no matter in what shape. I guess thats why type Bs cant leave, its the only place that allows their existence. …Sorta tragic isn’t it :/
Well that’s how i interpret it at least! There are still a few holes in this theory since i’m not quite sure where angels belong in this. I just don’t know much about them in general. Except that they’re scary.
By the way, is a soul with a vessel called undead or are souls and undead interchangeable words? They should really make an afterlife-dictionary or something I would like to know the true definition of all these terms
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