i just took my adhd meds for the first time in forever and wrote 3k words worth of character/relationship analysis of mari and olive (forgive me)

Due to Marisols hatred for her family, she developed a fixation on humans and their way of life (esp pop culture) early on as a form of escapism. since the only media she really interacted with were fashion magazines movies and old web archives her view of humans was pretty skewed and idealized though. a perfect life where she could achieve things without any violence and wear cute outfits and not have to worry about survival of the fittest. that compared to the place she lived and the people surrounding her was like night and day. she was more timid as a larva but soon had to toughen up due to intense sibling rivalry and general hell fuckery. when meeting someone new she immediately assumes that they see her as inferior or weak or are trying to trick her somehow by being nice. this might have been true back home but now she's still cold and mean to pretty much anyone regardless of their intentions. she saw hell as a damned and corrupted place, keeping her trapped and keeping her from being happy. she hated B types because they're her own flesh and blood, her family, the way she views them other people must view her as well. but she's different. She's not like them. and she hates A types because they got to be human and threw away their life like it was nothing. something she could never attain. and yet they are allowed to leave this place while she's stuck for eternity. even when she met an undead for the first time she immediately insulted them so they wouldn't know how much she envied them and wouldn't view her as inferior. every time she does get closer to someone she convinces herself that they are secretly plotting against her and then lashes out at them which makes them upset at her and therefore „confirm“ her suspicions. so she leaves them first.
Appearance is very important to her, as it defines peoples first impression. when she cuts off her wings she almost gets sad, as the delicate patterns on them remind her of lace and are beautiful in their own way. but they make her feel disgusting. so they have to go alongside anything else obscuring her humanoid silhouette.
She doesn't hate insects, as she incorporates them frequently into her designs, she just hates how they make her feel and what they remind her of. mari often fantasizes about how things could be if Mother was never associated with them. she could appreciate bugs more that way.

when she met olive it was as if a ray of light struck her, for some reason with her she never felt like she was hiding her true intentions. She was genuine about everything she talked about. there was no hatred no secret rivalry and for the first time, marisol felt like maybe this place wasn't so bad after all and a truly good demon could exist. so when olive revealed that she was actually human maris reaction was like „oh“. So it was an illusion after all. there is no such thing. the reason she loved her must have been because she sensed that difference. instead of resenting olive for her lie she became even more fixated on her, because to her olive is perfect. an escape. if someone like her could love me maybe i truly am different from the rest? maybe i am worthy? but her affection always had a bitter aftertaste from then on. nothing anyone besides her could notice. loving olive is my identity, to make her a part of me. if i get closer and closer to her till we are one maybe i can feel what it's like to love myself as an extension of her.

as you might have noticed marisol constantly projects her own opinions and feelings onto other people. her intense self-hatred extends much further to all demonkind and even to people that simply remind her of herself (Isaac lol). in reality, she feels much more connected to her family than most so she tries to intentionally separate herself from them, internalizing that she's different and therefore doesn't have any of the flaws she sees in herself and therefore sees in others. as a defense mechanism shes extremely aggressive to make sure no one can get in her way. she will rise above others to prove she deserves better and doesn't belong in the place she was born in. her feelings for olive were true and had nothing to do with the fact she was human but through her warped perspective she is convinced that ones identity inherently defines ones worth. she even categorizes her interests that way: dresses are beautiful because they make her feel special and they bring her closer to what humans must experience. when in reality if she grew up in a vacuum she would still love fashion simply because. she constantly makes up explanations like that to fit her worldview. this is also reflected in her complicated relationship with insects. she wants to despise them for what they represent but she can't. this confuses her because it doesn't make any sense in her logic so she doesn't know how to feel. girl you just think bugs are cool it's okay lmao, believe it or not, not everything is tied to your warped sense of self. you don't have to reject things you like. while she often indulges in her delusions and spirals more and more into them deep down she knows that's not how it works. which is probably the reason she's so bitter and competitive. if you truly believed you were better than everyone why do you even care? why do you remove your wings and antenna to hide under fake skin if you're different from the rest in the first place? mega cope.

when olive went to hell everything happened so quickly that it would've driven any person insane, yet she remained calm. not because she's some kind of superhuman but because before she could even realize and accept the severity of the situation she was in her brain had already come up with a, to her, logical and satisfying explanation. it was simply fate. why would this happen to her out of all people? i couldn't have been chance. there was this huge world, bigger than anything she could have imagined, opening up to her in the span of less than a day. the afterlife exists and she is in hell when she was taking pictures of her epic cosplay only moments earlier. how does one even begin to comprehend the amount of information you're about to be given in that situation? it was definitely enough to numb olives brain and distract her from the fact that she had just died.
a death so lame… so insignificant…and yet she got to live on when others couldn't. there has to be a reason it was me, there has to be more to it. something big is going on…or is out there somewhere and i have to find out what it is. after all, i cant waste this opportunity given to me right? olive truly believes that there is a purpose and a meaning behind everything. the truth is this was something that bothered her from a young age . as a child she was always very observant and mature, annoying adults around her with never-ending questions. trying to understand how the world works she studied science, literature, and most importantly anime. because once she understood all the quantum physics and atoms or whatever made up the fabric of existence it left her… frankly rather bored and disappointed. like what? that's it? so she turned to fictional worlds instead, in hopes they would have more interesting conclusions. yes her weeb days indeed started off for academic reasons. (which quickly turned into genuine enjoyment and more fandom-y behavior). they couldn't give her the satisfaction she seeks but they were still very fun to watch at least and there's nothing olive loves more than getting overly invested in topics and researching any tidbit of information there is about them.
nonetheless, she felt strangely empty most of her life. she grew up in a happy home, school was a breeze for her and most people liked her since she was smart and friendly. she never made many friends though, because even tho she always felt guilty about it, people bored her. not just at school but her siblings and family as well. she could never truly connect with anyone feeling like there was a thin, see-through wall made of cling wrap separating her from everyone else. they couldn't see it but she could feel it pushing against her face every time she tried to care about anything they said. am i a bad person for this? it's not like i think I'm better or anything, truly I'm jealous! they all seem so content with their lives. i wish i could care about being late for work or that one person texting me back. not trying to be nihilistic but if that's all there is then im not sure if it's enough to keep me interested since its all meaningless to me once i die. the only times she ever came close to feeling truly excited was when she was watching shows or reading manga but even that wore off more and more over time. temporary fun is nice and all. but in the end it's just not enough to justify being alive.
So now that she died. well. was it? olive doesn't know the answer, is she sad about her death? does she miss her old life? does she miss her friends and family? her brain is working like crazy to try and detangle her complicated feelings, but only in the back of her mind. What's more important is all the books she can read now! kyaaa! so there was more to learn and understand and think about! much better than trying to process whatever is going on with her head! lol! lmao! haha.

as you can imagine she spent countless hours researching everything there is to know about hell and its inhabitants and just as many convincing herself that there was a reason she was there and not alive. So once she found out that there was indeed a „role“ she filled in the never-ending cycle of apocalypse and rebirth of the world she was finally satisfied. it all makes perfect sense. making sure the world kept living, now that is meaningful, isn't it? was this the reason she always felt alienated and like there had to be more waiting for her? why she can't connect with people? because she truly existed for a different reason than them? after death, there is more. she serves her role in the afterlife until the apocalypse comes and resets the rotting remains of the universe to zero. she gets reborn to repeat everything again, guiding the cycle, following a clear goal, have a purpose. that to her was a beautiful thought that filled her with warmth. now that she knows what to do she can concentrate on it completely without getting distracted by confusing thoughts. there is no need to feel guilty or remorseful or sad about things lost now that she knows why. she will fulfill her duty at any cost necessary.

( i actually havent talked abt this on the website before since its kinda deep lore/spoilery so heres a short short explanation: olive was given the role of the tarot cards High priestess(reversed) and the Lovers, defining her involvement with triggering the apocalypse and sealing her fate. roles are bestowed upon important people by the universe/cycle itself, their task is to trigger certain events through their actions which eventually lead to the restart of the world where the role bearers are reborn as new people, restarting the cycle. you can also think of it as different timelines ig. certain roles are there from the beginning and some have to be „earned“ by someone encapsulating the essence of their meaning. for example, Andrew gets marked as the Chariot when he decided that he wants to find a way to be alive again. the chariot represents moving forward and overcoming conflicts. his fate is him being the one to restart or break the cycle in the end based on his decision. so roles are a bit like characters in a play who are played by different actors every time but lead to the same outcome.)

olive met marisol shortly after joining the archives. something about her just seemed incredibly intriguing, so she tried her best to befriend her just as she would at school back in the day. blah blah, you know what happened Marisol confessed and they've been a couple for years now. olive felt like under all the pink bows and cold facade there was something deep. deep the way a color can be deep, also deep like a black hole sucking you into its vast emptiness, spiraling alongside her. in neither a positive nor negative way. but in a way that makes you want to explore every star apart of it that made it look so captivating. she was never bored of mari because it felt like there was always something new to find out about her if only a glimpse when she let her guard down. there definitely was a deep connection between them even if they're both kinda nuts idk. And the obsession got even more intense once she found out that they share a role. the role of the Lovers. so them meeting was no coincidence either? they were intertwined by fate itself?… destined…for eachother 0_0? confirming olives newfound goal to serve the cycle? yes, this gives me even more insight into why i couldn't care about anyone before! it was all part of the way to get here, where i am supposed to be. being reborn into a new reality together and meeting her for the first time over and over again. i think this is what true happiness feels like (^_^).

olive always needs a logical explanation for everything, otherwise, her brain just keeps going in circles keeping her awake at night. so her way to cope with overwhelming events is to come up with an explanation and a meaning behind it as quickly as possible, which sometimes leads to her forcefully convincing herself of something because she can't accept the fact that sometimes there is no real or satisfying answer. when she died she felt so much at once that she didn't feel anything at all. no matter how smart she is there is no way of neatly sorting all that into boxes so instead she distracted herself with research until she could come up with a better solution. which did come to her in the form of her role, it gave her an excuse to explain away all the problems she never found an answer to. the concept of fate always appealed to her, when reading stories of heroes fighting things greater than themselves she couldn't help but wish that she had a similar direction in life other than just living for fun's sake. of course wishing that is one thing, dying and losing all your loved ones in the process of going to hell is another. she always felt like she didn't care about anyone but in the end, it took more of a toll on her than her brain could dissect, which was also solved for her by simply accepting that all that was part of her purpose, like the flashback sequence before getting into the real story. necessary for her to meet her true love and find happiness.
she becomes so obsessed with fulfilling her duty that she would do anything. even kill anyone that got in her way. because what if the cycle is broken? then was all this for nothing after all? a divine quest and in the end, she still dies, never to be reborn. never to fall in love again.
lol there were definitely timelines where marisol tried to stop her and olive kills her so that they can restart again but ill leave that for uh angsty fanfiction or something. ironically olive gets so sucked into her research she forgets to spend time with mari altogether just so she can make sure to be reborn. also, she doesn't understand that when she gets reborn, it won't really be her. it will be a completely different person just with the same role. but then again maybe that wouldn't even be enough for her to change her mind since the vague concept of her existence prevailing is enough for her.
(maybe things would've turned out differently if she ever got that damn autism diagnosis lmao)

so their relationship looks pretty wholesome on the surface but once you get deeper into it it's much more complicated. they are meant for each other but they're both kinda insane and like i said, spiral into each other while losing their grip on reality. or the present in olives case. she tends to get super abstract with justifying her means. you know when you analyze something so much i becomes nonsensical? also, they mirror each other in many ways, from the way they look (spikey and dark but with a kind personality, pink and cutesy but is a bitch to everyone) to the way they think (marisol wanting to escape hell through olive and olive thinking hell is where she needs to be, making sure they will stay there until eternity). another sad detail is while olive has two roles, marisol is only a part of the lovers because she draws her entire identity and will to live from their relationship. without it she is nothing, it's the only thing that makes her happy but at the same time is the very thing keeping her from acting on her own and finally going on the journey of accepting herself. even tho she sees olive as her savior and her ticket to the love she always wanted to experience. eh yeah they are both kinda twisted lmao. oh and maybe i shouldve mentioned that living in hell actively fucks with your heads especially if youre human. like if they were both born as humans and lived normal lives they would be chillin, but their circumstances make them go crazy. its written from their perspective (except the commentary) thats why a lot of the parts in this text are written very over dramatically to better show their obsessive way of thinking and the way they interprete things...lol
demonic lesbian codependent relationship!!!